Parenting Small Children: When Less is More

Today’s world puts a ton of pressure on parents to do all the things for our kids. Extracurricular activities, outings, enriching play, and more. Signing them up for programs, taking them places, and organizing their play has somehow become a measure of love, care, and success as a parent. If we don’t do enough of these things, we can end up feeling inadequate, judged, and as though we’re failing our kids.

I recently experienced an anxiety spiral when I was looking at the Spring town activity guide. The mom guilt hit hard – their friends do more activities, they’re missing out, I’m failing them. Then to make it even more overwhelming, I found myself simultaneously thinking both, “I need to put the kids in more programs,” and “how can I possibly juggle having them both in multiple programs?” I had one part of me feeling the pressure, the fear I was neglecting my kids if I don’t give them exposure to more organized activities. Then I had another part of me that was legitimately afraid that trying to do all this would burn me out.

After a little bit of an emotional rollercoaster, and an attempt to work through the guide to see what might actually be possible (cue more confusion and anxiety), I was eventually able to pause and reflect. I realized I had these two parts competing for space, and reminded myself that none of this is THAT important, and we’re better off focusing on our family values and a family-centered approach that helps our family thrive. I asked the kids what they want, realized they simply want to swim, and decided to focus on one activity each for this season.

I felt better when I processed my experience and made the decision, but I still felt a little bit of lingering disappointment. It’s when we ended up home sick for five days that I really saw things through a different lens. Naturally, mom and dad were actually sick, but the kids had nothing more than a sniffle and the same energy as always. So while I spent time resting, they played. They found things to do together, they found things to do on their own. They were given some suggestions, some structure, and some screen time, but for the most part they happily entertained themselves and each other. This was probably the most content and relaxed I’ve seen them in awhile.

The day to day grind can be overwhelming. The rush to get up and out the door in the morning, then the dinner and bedtime rush in the evening. Even when we seem to have lots of free time, it often ends up getting eaten up quickly. So when we had a chance to actually pause and slow down, we could all just relax and follow our natural rhythm and flow. The kids could use their imaginations, follow their interests, and be in control. It reminded me that just as structure and routine can be important for kids, so can downtime and flexibility.

So next time you’re worried that you’re not providing enough enriching experiences for your kids, step back and try to take a look at the bigger picture. Look at what your family actually needs to thrive and be happy, not what you think the world says you need to do. Consider whether in this situation, maybe less is more.